Dear earthlings and fellow travelers, 👽
When I decided to be Aswin’s girlfriend, I was pretty sure we had significant differences (language, food, religion, and so on). I mean, I’m from Colombia, he’s from India. How hard could it be? Well… little did I know that the magnitude of these contrasts would be so challenging.
As we solidified our relationship, we started navigating the maze of our backgrounds, and I began to comprehend the complex layers of what it truly is to embrace diversity. Our union transcended mere cultural disparities; it was an immersion into the essence of being an intercultural marriage.
Egh… a what? 🤔
What Is an Intercultural Relationship?
Being in an intercultural relationship means embracing diversity and enjoying the experience of having a partner from a different cultural background. It goes beyond just learning about your partner’s differences; it is about being a part of it, sharing your views, and getting involved in new ones.
If you ask me, these relationships offer an exceptional and enriching experience that will change your life perspective forever. Think of this: both partners must be willing to show respect and learn from each other's customs, traditions, languages, and beliefs.
You also have to be open to different ways of thinking and living, and --more importantly, you have to adapt and compromise to find a balance that works for both individuals. 🤝
Sounds like a dream! An intercultural relationship is exciting but let me tell you…just as it is cool, it can also come with its own set of challenges.
What Challenges Can We Face in an Intercultural Marriage?
Your obstacles will be as unique as your relationship. No person has the same issues as their neighbors, right? Still, I’ve decided to name five common challenges that you may encounter with your couple.
😓 Communication difficulties
Sometimes, expressing ourselves clearly can be tough. Either you speak different languages, a common language that is not your native language or you simply have different communication styles.
I know, it can be exhausting sometimes but don't worry, with patience, active listening, and a willingness to understand each other, we can bridge any communication gap.
🤔 Cultural misunderstandings
Funny story: Indians tend to avoid the words “Please” or “Thank you,” and initially, my husband never said those things. I’m a Colombian; I simply appreciate courteousness and prefer kindness. Put us together in a room without any cultural intelligence, and what do you get? DRAMA.💥
Check out this podcast episode to learn how we overcame this issue.
As we come from contrasting backgrounds, we interpret things differently. What seems normal to one person might be strange to another. Now, you have to choose if you’ll be divided or if you’ll embrace the opportunities to learn from each other. Ask questions, share stories, and just be open-minded.
Our way is not the only way.
💔 Family disapproval
TBH, I can’t relate to this topic. I can’t imagine how hard it can be when the people we care about don't fully understand or approve of our relationship.
I’d say that love knows no boundaries, and perhaps families just need time to adjust. Many will say that you only need open communication, sharing your feelings, and reassuring that your love is genuine, but I’ve seen other parts of the world, and that’s not necessarily true.
If you’re reading this because this is especially concerning to you, be patient and understanding. The pieces of your life will eventually fit into the puzzle. I’m rooting for you!
🔄 Conflicting traditions
Traditions clash even inside countries. But hey! Don’t look at it as a roadblock, analyze it, and if you don’t like it, you can create new traditions by blending elements from both cultures and celebrating diversity, just like we do Karthigai Deepam and Día de las Velitas together.
💼 Different social expectations
Communication and self-knowledge are the keys here! There are so many scenarios that can work as examples: working (or not), having kids (or not), participating in religious ceremonies etc. etc., etc.
Every culture has its set of norms and expectations, and it can cause a lot of friction in a relationship. Pleeeeeease, don’t feel pressured to conform without discussing them.
Navigate with your partner what is expected of you and what you both want because—trust me, once you make something that doesn’t feel right to please others, that feeling might never leave.
Ugh, this can be “uneasy,” so you may ask… Is there anything good about being in an intercultural marriage?
7 Benefits of being in an intercultural relationship
Yes, yes, sí! It’s all good once you gain perspective. Talking from personal experience, I can never imagine a life without my Indian husband and all that comes with him. Check these rewards of being in an intercultural relationship: 🏆
Personal growth: Forget about your old ways because you’ll be constantly challenged to be a better version of yourself.
Education: You’ll be learning and getting a bunch of information that a great percentage of your people back home never knew.
Empathy: You need it with your partner and especially with yourself. Getting adjusted takes time and patience and when you overcome a difference, you will be able to help others.
Connectedness Feeling: Especially if you have many misconceptions about your partner’s culture, you might find that at the core, humans are all the same. Seeing that can give you the feeling that, no matter where you are, you can be part of a community.
Traveling: There’s no place like home. But… which home?! Here, there, wherever you choose because the world can become so small sometimes.
Your confidence can skyrocket! Dealing with the unknown and coming back to what is usual to you will show you how much you’ve developed your self-confidence. Use it for good.
You’re with the person you love the most in the world: That’s all that matters. Duh! 😜
Conclusion
Intercultural marriages are simple (if you make them like that). It’s just people who love each other and, despite their cultural differences, they decide to share their lives to build greater communities.
There are challenges, but the positive aspects are much more fulfilling and worth it.
I’m telling you from experience!
With love,
Luisa Dahianna
About the Author
Luisa Trujillo is one half of Masala. She's a dreamer, believer, and achiever from a cozy coffee farm in Risaralda, Colombia. Being in an intercultural and interreligious relationship with an Indian 16,000 km away since 2019, she has gained a fair bit of insight into love, travel, and culture.
In her other life, Luisa has been a Coffee Grower, Digital Marketer, English as a Foreign Language Teacher, and Translator with a bachelor's degree in Modern Languages. Thanks to the latter, she is now fluent in Spanish, English, and French and has basic knowledge of Portuguese, Japanese, and Russian.
Relationships, coffee, languages, and a thousand miles later, she decided to start a community online to share her experience through Masala of Cultures along with her other half, Aswin.
Luisa's insights can also be found on other parts of the internet, including NVCC.
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