Living With Indian In-Laws as a Latina: What I Wish I Knew

I married Aswin in November 2023, four years earlier than we had ever planned. Fifteen days after our wedding in Colombia, I was already in India, moving into his family's home in Chennai with two suitcases and very little idea of what I was actually walking into. 🧳

There were no long conversations about how daily life would work, no real preparation for the adjustment ahead, and looking back, that's exactly where things started to get complicated. (watch the entire podcast on YouTube or listen on Spotify).

What if his family wasn't kind?

Before moving in, I had the usual fears you pick up from movies and stories about Indian in-laws. I expected strict, cold treatment and to feel unwelcome in their home. But - to my happy surprise - his parents were warm and patient from the start, and that part of the story is genuinely SO good!

The real difficulty came from somewhere much quieter. I had spent years living independently, setting my own schedule, eating when I wanted, and cleaning the way I preferred.

Suddenly, I was sharing a home with five people, where every routine had a different rhythm. Meal times, sleep times, small daily decisions that seem trivial until you're navigating them every single day in a place that doesn't yet feel like yours.

Those differences don't stay small when you live with them day in and day out.

The Practical Obstacles Nobody Mentioned

I had a job and my own income, but I couldn't open a bank account in India because the bureaucracy made it nearly impossible for a foreign spouse without a local documentation trail. Something as basic as financial independence became a months-long obstacle, and that kind of thing chips away at your sense of self in ways that are hard to explain.

I was also afraid to go out alone, hesitant about unfamiliar streets, traffic, stares, and a language I didn't speak, so the independence I was used to just quietly disappeared. 😔

When I Stopped Talking About It

I remained silent about all these struggles I was going through, not because I didn't care, but because I didn't want to cause conflict. I didn't want to seem ungrateful towards a family that had genuinely welcomed me. So for almost a year, I kept avoiding the real conversations, the ones that actually needed to happen, and resentment doesn't announce itself. It just grows quietly until it's taken up a lot more space than you realized.

My husband didn't push either. He didn't want to believe something serious was wrong, and no questions were ever asked. So we both just kept going, and the distance between us grew without either of us saying a word about it.

The Turning Point

My parents came to India. YAAYY! However, they could see something was off the moment they arrived, and they encouraged me to open up about what I had been carrying. I found it hard to say out loud what I was feeling, even to Aswin, so I wrote him a letter instead. A long, honest, emotional letter that put everything on the table. 💌

TBH, that letter changed things. It opened the door to all the conversations we had been avoiding, and while it wasn't easy to write or easy for him to read... Gosh, the weeks after that weren't easy either, but it was what finally moved us forward.

What Two Years Actually Taught Me

Living with in-laws doesn't have to break you, but it will if you go in without talking about expectations first. Before you move in, actually discuss how life will work, not just the logistics, but the emotional side too.

What do you need to feel okay in a shared space? What are you genuinely willing to adapt to, and where are your real limits? How can you handle discomfort with your partner and the rest of the people living with you?

I also learned that expressing a limit early is not the same as starting a conflict. Saying "this is hard for me" before you're at a breaking point gives everyone a chance to adjust, and waiting until you're already overwhelmed is so much harder on everyone involved.

In fact, when we leave conflicts unresolved, those same issues follow us to the next one. 🌏

The Part That's Easy to Forget

Living with his family taught me things about Aswin that I would never have learned in any other way. His parents and brother shaped who he is, and spending real time with them gave me insight into why he is the way he is. I finally understood his values, his triggers, joys, and even fears I didn't know he had.

The last year of our stay looked completely different from the first, with more ease, more travel, and more genuine connection with the family. Yes, the struggle was real, but so was everything I gained from it.

If you've lived with your in-laws, especially in a different country or culture, I want to hear about it. What was the hardest part for you? Drop it in the comments below. 👇

About the Author

Luisa Trujillo is one half of Masala. She's a dreamer, believer, and achiever from a cozy coffee farm in Risaralda, Colombia. Being in an intercultural and interreligious relationship with an Indian 16,000 km away since 2019, she has gained a fair bit of insight into love, travel, and culture.

In her other life, Luisa has been a Coffee Grower, Digital Marketer, English as a Foreign Language Teacher, and Translator with a bachelor's degree in Modern Languages. Thanks to the latter, she is now fluent in Spanish, English, and French and has basic knowledge of Portuguese, Japanese, and Russian.

Relationships, coffee, languages, and a thousand miles later, she decided to start a community online to share her experience through Masala of Cultures along with her other half, Aswin.

Luisa's insights can also be found on other parts of the internet, including NVCC.