Dear comparison-conscious reader,
I know you’ve seen it, and I know you’ve felt it: seeing the couple next door who has a “better life than yours.”
Did you see their latest Instagram posts? They’re traveling around the world, wearing matching outfits, and cooking healthy food together! AND MY PARTNER?
Well…
That’s what we shouldn’t do.
We must understand JUST BECAUSE IT IS SHINY, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT IS GOLD.
Some couples seem perfectly fine, but they’re not. But even more than that…
Why do you even care?
It’s not your life, and you should focus on what you have in front of you.
You fell in love with your partner for a reason, and if you’re more worried about what others are doing, you have to analyze that you might be overlooking the most important person in your life.
Why comparison in your relationship is so dangerous?
1. You set unrealistic expectations
From time to time, we forget to see the dark, ugly realities—even ours—and prefer to keep them private or simply ignore them.
The boring/annoying part of living with each other is not obvious, and wanting a 100% happy and exciting relationship is naive and far from reality.
2. It destroys self-esteem
When you start comparing, you erode your self-worth and your partner’s. This leads to feeling insecure and jealous, causing even more trouble in your love life.
3. You create unnecessary drama
When comparing your relationship with others, you pressure your partner to be someone who they’re not and stop showing love for who they actually are.
Unrealistic standards can fuel resentment or a toxic cycle where no one feels appreciated or understood.
4. You might neglect your relationship
As I said in the introduction. Why do you even care? Don’t you see the wonderful partner you’ve chosen right in front of you?
I’m sure you longed for someone like her/him for a very long time, and now that she/he is with you, you’re envying others? Seriously!!
Start appreciating, thanking, and nurturing your own nest before it’s too late.
~
Oops… Sorry, I got emotional about this topic. I can’t imagine losing your perfect match because you’re not working towards a stable and healthy relationship. 🫣
But Luisa, I’m already comparing my relationship…
How can I break free from comparison?
1. Focus on your wonderful person
Check your old pictures and relive the moment you decided to be together. Don’t you love that feeling?
Focus, focus, focus on what you love the most.
See your loved one as if it was the first… no no, the last time.
Observe and appreciate because we don’t know for how long we can be together happily.
2. Limit your source of envy
Either social media or the cool couple next door; limit your interaction for your own stability. Instead of spending 1 hour seeing reels about it, write a letter about how much you admire your partner.
3. Communicate!
Maybe your partner doesn’t know what’s been going on inside of your head and heart regarding this topic. Please share it and release that heavy weight. Your loved one will probably help you see the bigger picture.
4. Be grateful
Shift your mindset and see that the good things you have as a couple are bigger than the not-so-fun stuff.
5. Seek professional help
If you think that the feeling goes beyond your control, consider talking to a therapist who can address underlying issues and help you create healthier couple habits.
Conclusion
Comparison in your relationship can be a silent destroyer. It erodes the foundation of trust between you and your partner.
Check out the reasons you feel the need to compare and take action against it. You deserve a happy relationship that accepts all your beauty and all your faults.
There’s nothing more fulfilling than finding peace before putting your head on the pillow.
You can do it!
Warm hugs,
Luisa Dahianna
About the Author
Luisa Trujillo is one half of Masala. She's a dreamer, believer, and achiever from a cozy coffee farm in Risaralda, Colombia. Being in an intercultural and interreligious relationship with an Indian 16,000 km away since 2019, she has gained a fair bit of insight into love, travel, and culture.
In her other life, Luisa has been a Coffee Grower, Digital Marketer, English as a Foreign Language Teacher, and Translator with a bachelor's degree in Modern Languages. Thanks to the latter, she is now fluent in Spanish, English, and French and has basic knowledge of Portuguese, Japanese, and Russian.
Relationships, coffee, languages, and a thousand miles later, she decided to start a community online to share her experience through Masala of Cultures along with her other half, Aswin.
Luisa's insights can also be found on other parts of the internet, including NVCC.
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