8 Questions to Ask Before Getting Into a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are scary, expensive, but also enriching, and worth the wait.

I am Aswin, an Indian married to a Colombian. And yes, we were in a long distance relationship before we tied the knot!

Full disclosure, we did not have all the answers going in, but the following questions would certainly have made it easier if we had known before we started our LDR journey.

Let’s talk about the 8 questions that you need to ask each other before getting into a long distance relationship.

The 8 Core Questions ⁉️

1. "What's our actual endgame here?"

Not just "we'll figure it out," like, do you both see this ending with someone moving? Somewhere new, neutral, or central for both of you, even? A timeline (even a rough one)?

Obviously, this is the biggest question you both will answer. If any of your responses are 'IDK' or 'not sure,' it’s better to reevaluate the LDR decision before you end up wasting time that could otherwise be spent saying goodbye. 

Harsh? Yes! It’s better to be absolutely realistic in this case, as your indecisive yes can ruin your partner’s strong commitment.

2. "How are we handling the time zone thing?"

Because 12-hour differences hit different. Who's waking up early? Who's staying up late? Is this sustainable or will someone burn out?

For my partner and me, it was 10 and a half hours. All nights for me are days for her and vice versa.

She liked waking up early, but I was a late owl. It didn’t work until both of us sacrificed from time to time, making it work.

3. "What does 'checking in' look like for us?"

Some couples require daily video calls, while others are content with texts throughout the day. 

What's your rhythm? What feels like connection vs. what feels like obligation?

We had silly routines, like sending a text every time the clock struck 1:11, 12:12, or even 06:09, haha!

4. "How do we handle the rough days when we can't just show up?"

You can't bring soup when they're sick or hug them after a bad day at work. 

What's your plan B for emotional support?

On important days or phases when I knew my partner was going through something hard, I always kept my phone on at night to make sure I was there for her, at least virtually.

5. "What are we doing about visits - and who's sacrificing what?"

Money, time off work, visa hassles. Is one person always traveling? How often realistically can you meet? Who's carrying more of the burden?

This truly is a tricky part, especially if you’re a student or have just started working. Travel expenses can pile up, especially if you’re on different coasts or in another part of the world, like us!

For us, we were in a long distance relationship during COVID. So, no money in the world could have helped us cross oceans and meet each other. Air travel is back to normal now, but still, flying is not cheap.

Maybe this is your sign to focus on your career…

6. "How do we deal with jealousy and trust when we're not there?"

Boundaries, expectations, the uncomfortable conversations about exclusivity, social lives, opposite-gender friendships - all of it.

You have to accept the fact that your partner will have friends and will go out and have a great time, even if you are not doing the same. If you are not ok with it, you have to work on that yourself. Don't take it all out on your partner.

With that being said, couples who choose casual, short-term relationships away from each other rarely end up together. So be careful!

7. "What happens when one of us wants to make a big life decision - job change, moving cities, etc.?"

Your life doesn't pause just because your partner is on another continent. You need to figure out early: are big decisions like job offers or relocating something you make together, or are you still operating independently? 

Because resentment builds fast when one person feels like they're putting life on hold while the other is just moving forward.

In fact, a better opportunity for one of you will only translate into better chances of you being able to save money and visit each other more.

8. "Do our families know and support this, or are we fighting that battle too?"

Long distance is hard enough without adding family drama to the mix. If your families don't know or don't approve, especially in intercultural relationships, you need to ask yourselves if you're ready to fight that battle while also fighting the distance. 

Because dealing with both at once will drain you, and you need to know upfront if you're a united front or if family pressure is going to crack things.

With me being an Indian, Luisa worried that my family would choose an Indian girl and marry me off once I came back to the country. Though it may sound funny at first, it actually happens!

Thankfully, my family is pretty cool about love and relationships and did not attempt a love coup haha.

Conclusion

Look, LDRs aren't for everyone, and that's okay. But if you're both willing to be honest about these things upfront, you're already ahead of the game.

Let us know how it goes for you by leaving a comment below, DMing us on Instagram, or sending us an email.

Love hard, live hard! 💖